The Secret Life of Harry Potter
by freyfrey12
Summary: a messed up version of the jk rowling books we cherish and love... enjoy! :D


The secret life of harry potter

Prologue:

Once there was a boy. A boy named harry. Harry was a boy who could do magic and loved annoying his uncle who had spiky grey hair. Harry was a wizard.

Chapter 1: bye bye, spiky.

One boringly normal day, harry was out in the garden throwing washing at his uncle and laughing hysterically when suddenly, he realised he had a dream. His dream was eat all the rainbow sprinkles in the world and run away to every country to achieve it. Harry's eyes lit up when the idea entered his mind, and he waved his love heart sceptre and his suitcase appeared with his t-shirts that had the words 'I love cats' in pink curly writing. With a quick glance to check he hadn't missed anything, Harry threw a rock at his uncle that had a note written on it saying 'Bye bye spiky' and after that hit his uncle, he zoomed away.

Chapter 2: Little pig duddlez and the ignorant aunty petalhead

While he was zooming away, harry kindly realised he hasn't thought about his other relatives and he grins as some images of a little pig with a sign saying 'I am Duddlez' and a creepy stick with a face holding up a sign saying ' Aunty petalhead is going to scold you!' in big bold letters. That's all we need to know about his aunty and cousin now, but we might learn more about them later. Anyways, while harry was zooming around and bouncing off random clouds and birds, a creepy psycho named moldymort was hiding in a dark alley behind a trash can. "I'll getcha," mumbled the dark cloaked figure as he squinted crazily at the boy that was laughing his head off every time he bumped something. This dark cloaked figure frowned comically at the giggling boy and tried to think of a way to ruin the boy's mischief and an idea came into his mind. First off he had 2 plans:

Become the world's top ice cream maker.

Stop harry's dream of eating all the chocolate sprinkles in the world.

Ironically, he chose number 2, and what a big mistake that was! (He always regretted it later). With an evil grin and a swish of his cloak, he teleported far away to wherever harry was.

Chapter 3: A bee with a beard (and attitude!)

After harry had travelled a billion miles (or so he thought), he saw a wacky looking building that looked like a giant melted ice-cream with honey on top and when he saw the doors were open, he went in. Harry was a brave boy but when he saw what was inside, he nearly screamed his head off. There was a bee that was absolutely GIGANTIC! And it had a BEARD! This bee was also very friendly and could chatter your ear off (beware of this talking bee). "Hi how are you I'm dumblebum and today I'm gonna give you a lesson on how to dance like a pizza! Do you like pizzas? I love pizzas! Let's all have a pizza together okay? Woo!" This encounter with a talking bee that talked too much and also needed to shave was too much for poor harry and he shrieked like a girl and fainted on the floor. The bee (who sadly did not understand how his talking could cause problems) thought that harry had died and he tipped his top hat to the unconscious boy. "Bye bye, dead person…" he whispered maniacally and with a mad glint in his eye, he organised a funeral. Suddenly, harry woke up and laughed madly, while holding up a bar of chocolate gobstoppers. "Take that, you mad bee!" Harry yelled loudly and threw them right at Dumblebum's head, which made dumblebum's head explode and it also shattered into a million pieces. Harry stared at the pieces and whispered excitedly, "yippee! Rainbow sprinkles everywhere!" He started gathering them up and putting them into a spare Cadbury chocolate bag he had found in the broom cupboard a few weeks ago. During the week he had found the Cadbury bag, he had witnessed his uncle inspecting a mouse hole and giggling to himself like he was the one that had put it there, until a plank of wood hit his head and he fell to the floor unconscious. Harry nearly laughed at this memory and proceeded to collect more of the precious sprinkles that in his mind had appeared out of nowhere. While he was distracted by all that, moldymort appeared from behind a pillar and raised his purple tinsel covered staff to aim an (evil!) spell at harry, who was just sitting there. Before he was able to use the evil spell though, a big cookies and cream ice-cream scented snowy owl flapped in front of him and pecked at his bald head. "OWWWWWWW," he screamed and tried to swat it away, but to no avail. Eventually he just ran away and cried like a little child while harry hugged the owl for saving him. He decided this owl would be his friend and he named it shedwig because it kept shedding its feathers on him (but he didn't mind, because they were cookies and cream scented!)


End file.
